I hyperventilate

The panic attacks have started again. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I really don't appreciate that he still controls me; that he's managed to turn me into an emotional wreck the second time around.

But today, I realised it isn't just Alex. It's any point of heightened emotionality. Things like finding out my ex has a new toy, being in a room full of people all hypothetically staring at me, having my 'best friend' tell me that the feelings I'm experienced aren't real...that I'm actually fabricating it.

We were talking about something and I said in comparison to average nerves, mine felt like I'd been shaken around upside down and then had that feeling amplified by a thousand. Which is true, that is how I feel. You'd think I'd know, I am the one feeling it.

But, get this right, Goodman told me I was wrong.

She informed me it's not as bad as I'm making out and compared to some people, it's nothing.

Who the fuck is she to tell me that?

It pissed me off majorly. She has no idea how I feel or what I'm going through. Whatever the problem is, she has to involve herself and always be right. Well this time, she's so fucking wrong.

Is she afraid of answering the phone? I think not.

Would she rather starve than go order a sandwich? Fuck no.

So why does she think she can judge me?

She proper snapped at me too.

I really didn't deserve that.

So thanks alot Goodman, you made me have my worst panic attack at sixth form yet.

Right now, all I can honestly say is fuck her.

I'm going to have to remove myself from the situation; before she

abandons me.