All The Small Things

Again, i was going to blog about something positively terrible, only to check my emails & find yet another blog comment from someone i don't know. I figured this post was more important than the original. Basically, it's a compilation of amazing comments showing people's support, giving me reason to actually have some faith in humanity, and in some sense keeping me going.

I want to say a massive thankyou to everyone for trying so hard to reach out to me. We all know I'm not the easiest person to get along with. So here goes;

'You are the second British girl capable of completely stealing my heart. The last one had black hair, small dry hands and OCD. I loved her with mind-blowing intensity for two years of my life. This summer I ended up in the West Midlands drinking extremely much Yorkshire tea with glitter below my eyes and a heart that always felt too much. It’s been months now since I spoke to this British girl in question and my English has suddenly become a somewhat superfluous talent. The girl with small dry hands and I are not friends anymore and she is further away than she has ever been, but despite of this I wish you could’ve met her. She is much like you, but still not really. I am fully convinced that you would’ve been great friends.
You don’t know who I am (yes, yet another Scandinavian lurker, this is your lucky day) but isn’t that also the wonderful thing about the internet? I would want like to take this opportunity to tell you how much I admire you for writing so open heartedly about your life on here. In my opinion, giving out your name is not necessarily a braver thing to do than being completely honest about your thoughts, sexuality and love. I see myself in you and reading your blog posts has made me realize how far I’ve actually come this past year and how thankful I should be about my current life.
I have also been struggling with self injury and have, like you, found TH to be my escapism. People that see my left arm (unlike you I’m right handed and have never tried to hide my scars) and know I listen to TH always think there is a connection between the music and the scar tissue, though they couldn’t be more wrong. To me, TH has always represented all the hope, beauty and creativity I know I can change the world with, absolutely not the dark years of my life when hateful people taught me I had no human worth. To know these amazing German boys gives you piece of mind when you need it the most just like they have done for me so many times makes me feel oddly proud. I’m proud of them and me, but most importantly of _you_ for being such a strong and inspiring human being. And I do realize that this has begun to sound like a cheesy thank you speech now which wasn’t my intention. (I often find writing about my feelings in English makes me sound like someone who has just won a beauty pageant… But then again, finding your blog is probably better than winning Little Miss Sunshine.)
After having read your blog yesterday I felt the urge to write again, something I used to love but haven’t done for months now. Thank you for giving me a teaspoon of inspiration, whoever kind God there may be out there truly knows I need it. I think of you and wish you all the best. I’ll continue reading and writing a comment at times.
Your mum sounds like the best mum there is.
Hugs from your private little rain cloud in Sweden,Mariana.'

'hey, I've never talked to you or anything, but I just want to say that I admire you so much for writing here, even though it's anonymously here.
I think you're stronger than you think, way stronger. :)'

'I don't believe your worthless. You have a mother that cares for you, someone who will love you for who you are no matter what you may think. Nothing can deter her love for you - the joy of mother's oxytosin ^.^
i know you must be feeling distressed, and i'd like to say i know how you feel, but everyone's experiences are different and we deal with them in different ways. I recently came into contact with my father who ran off and got engaged to another woman whe he found out my mum was pregnant with me. I'm 18 and he only just phoned to see what i sound like, who i am.
At first, i didnt want to know him, but thenm i realised he wanted to call me. wanted to know who i am. his first born child. i guess he wanted to know if i was like my mother; a manic depressive, an alcoholic, or a sorority teenager. you know? at least he cared enough to see how i turned out.im sorry im boring you, and im probably pissing you off by saying the whole ' i know how you feel' thing. Truth is, i don't. but i understand where your coming from.
All i can say is live each day as it comes, try and keep your chin up, even for appearances. Things will get better. x'

'awww bubba *huggles*i love you :)...but i dont think that helps in anyway...i hope everything gets better for you soonLove youuuuu xxxxxxxxxxxx'

'You will always have me, I promise x'

'made me tear up, damnit. :(i'm always here <33'

Then of course, there was the time i truly considered suicide and recieved so much support;

'Jess, there are a lot of people who care for you, people who love you and people who do notice you. A lot of people don't express this, but people would notice if you were gone. You have friends here who support you and are willing to lend both their shoulders for you to cry on. Always remember, you're just as important and as special as anybody else in this world. Remember that.'

'Jess please dont :'(you have people who care about you...
as the saying goes...Dann spring ich fur dich <3
please don't leave'

'Please Jess, don't. I can't live if you die. Please.'

':o JESSSSS, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!'

& there are so many more nice comments from nice people.

Infact the word nice doesnt even cover it, but I'm too tired to think. Every single comment captured my heart in some way, especially the second one whic had me in floods of positive tears.

I don't think I've ever been anybody's inspiration or stole their heart. Please keep in touch with me. :)

I think i also want to thank Tokio Hotel, as lame as it sounds for giving me so many new people to share my life with. They really have saved me.

Arghh. I can't seem to find the words I want to say, which is annoying because I'm usually so good with words. I just keep saying thankyou to all.

You make me appreciate people, appreciate living, even when I'm at my lowest, simply because you do more than give me the time of day, you actually keep me going, depsite not knowing me. For that, I'm incredibly grateful.

To everyone that hurts themself, I hope you get through it.

again for wishing the same to me.

I'm trying.