I've relapsed again and I've realised that there is a pattern to it; I last three weekish without doing it, then i drop again and get really down and start slicing myself up again.
The kalms tablets are still working - no more panic attacks. & I'm sleeping again...but they don't make me happy. I guess I'll never be happy until I get professional help. But that means telling my mum I havent stopped cutting. That'll hurt.
It's like a never-ending circle of pain. I thought I had enough will power to stop. Clearly not.
& my low self-esteem issue is noticeable.
Me & Lucy went to meet a guy yesterday, who wants to fuck her apparently, and I tried to get to know him, because I'm better with my words and instead he wanted to know about my self esteem. I did flirt abit, I'll be honest, but only cz it's fun. He's old enough to be my dad :/
Oh it's a bastard...about 6 days of general goodness, then i wake up today & just crash. What the fuck is that all about?
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