Well tbh i dunno... but on thursday i had a panic attack because of all the shit that's been going on. & MH didnt even care.
He's not talked to me in like four days and I'm beginning to realise all the bad things he's done.
Read the list:
Like unprotected sex. :/ (no thts not soo bad bcz were each other's firsts.....) but even when i said no..he was soooo insistent. so we ended up doing it.
when we fell out, it was always my fault. ALWAYSSSS. :(
he overreacts soooooooooooooooo bad.
Occasionally, he made me feel like a whore too. Like the time i went on top, then asked to have a bath afterwards & he didnt hug me after the sex or anything, it was reach climax...get off...ok you should go have a bath now. i just pleasured him then he wanted me to get lost.
He didnt understand about the self harm either.
But...since i had a panic attack & he told his mate J that i cut myself..i havent cared about him as much.
J has been really nice to me though. He understands why i hurt myself, he was really nice about it all. & we've got really close recently.
Today, i talked to him continuously for like...7 hours. We're even more compatible sexually then me & MH were...& we talk dirty alot. But it's good. I think i really like him. He seems to like me too even though atm it's all kinky.
He's quite big too ;)
He's not all bony either...which is good cz it means i wont get any bruises..unless i ask for them :p
He's going to text me tomorrow....which is a little bit unexpected...cz thts a small amount more thn jst being fuck buddies right?? Texting is like...seeing material. I wouldnt mind seeing him. Apparently, im guna get some pleasure during french too ;) I cant wait.
I'll tell you more tomorrow. I'm really knackered.
xxxxxx
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