Relax

I've had valid reasons for being absent, I promise.
See, I fucked up the other day and almost stopped blogging. This is because relationships, blogs and the inability to speak don't go well together. All is settled now.
Plus I'm not very well and my email account fucked up so I had to make a new one. Now it's northern-downpour@hotmail.co.uk if anyone needs to get in touch with me. 


I had my session on Thursday. She told me I looked better today than last time, that I was colourful, so I told her I was trying to reinvent myself. 


I went without an aim. I had nothing to speak about except how fucking tired I am. I told her about a few stuff and we got onto my social awkwardness. She said she didn't see it in me, so I explained that I had better days and told her what I was awkward with. 


Of course she came to the conclusion that I do have social phobia. This makes me feel like an absolute prick because I'm the only person I know with social phobia.


So talking about things that made me panic in everyday life, made me panic in my session. So she brought up the panic attacks and asked me to explain it to her. It was pretty difficult and the first time I've broken down like that in a long time. I controlled it pretty well, but I've never had an attack in a session before. She said it sounds like I have anticipatory anxiety and it's relatively new so with some help, I should be able to get rid of it.


She mirrored my posture, showed me how I was sat. Then she told me she thought I was intelligent, in a wisdom sense and that I was so intelligent that my brain was already active and alert so it was trying to protect me. For this I was given homework. I have to see how many times I'm relaxed throughout the week. I'm relaxed now surprisingly. It's not been very often so far though. 


This is an awful post and nobody believes I'll be fixed after 8 sessions but fuck it all...it's important and worth a chance.