Pain is just a simple compromise

I hate the feeling of having nowhere to go and nobody to talk to.

It's not that I don't have people who are 'willing' to talk to me, it's more I don't want to talk to them because I hate burdening them and feel irrelevant.

I got my AS level results today.

They have made me want to kill myself.

I got 4 C's and a D. It's not too bad, but it's not good enough and I hate just being average.

It is not good enough at all.

So my grandma told me to pull my finger out and get studying and Mark said I had to improve.

Thanks for the support.

So I feel absolutely awful.

I don't want to do the 5000 word essay. I don't want to see Mark again. I don't want to be rejected. I don't want to resit any exams or get turned away from uni's.

It's not the grades I'm worried about. I'm worried that I won't be able to pull them up. That I won't get to do what I want. I feel like a disappointment.

I daren't go into the bathroom. I know that if I do, I'll give in to temptation.