Pay For It

Mariana, I don't think you're disgusting or fucked up.
I imagine you to be quite amazing, your comments seem to show me that. Let's swap t-shirts :)
Oh I wish I knew you in person, though I'd probably fall in love with you and ruin everything, but still. It would be nice to know more people like me. [s] To be totally honest, I think i'm already falling for you a little bit, even though we've never had a proper conversation and i don't know what you look like [/s]


I realised today that I have no money and it's really getting to me.

I still have to buy Jess's xmas pressie & i spent a tenner on Ammelia's and now I'm skint. plus I have to buy my sister's too. It's just no good.

I'm also incredibly sexually frustrated. No scrap that, I'm emotionally frustrated. Why is it that I want to be loved so desperately, yet I get told someone loves me and i break it off? Surely that's wrong. Surely it's my own fault. I don't know.

I got my presents off friends today. Jess got me a lovely present. I think at the minute though, the CD means more to me than the book does. Pretty much all of the songs remind me of good times, bar a few and just by listening to them i can think exactly of that good time. It reminds things were good and gives me aims to reach for. I want those good times back. Observe the playlist:

1) Johanna - Sweeney Todd soundtrack - Goodman changed the lyrics to 'Jessica' and proceeded to sing it at me. We did a Todd Sing-a-Long session. Such good times :')
2) Party in your bedroom (acoustic) - Cash Cash - Another song we ended up singing to each other. Came across it on myspace after searching through the Slam Dunk page.
3) Undead - Another Slam Dunk song, we sang this, bummed over Charlie Scene and had a genuine laugh.
4) The Way she Feels - Between the Trees - Never before heard it, but a very good song about cutting.
5) Hot Mess - Cobra Starship - not heard this either...but GGGGGABBBBBBBBEEEEEEEE SSSAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOORRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAA! Enough said.
6) Dead Or Alive - Ian Watkins - Bonjovi cover, good song.No relevance to us, but it's Ian and we love him.
7)My Boulder - The King Blues - I reallly dislike them and enjoy ripping Goodman for listening to them, but this song ain't so bad. plus it contains the word 'Boulder'.
8) Wouldn't it be nice - The Beach Boys - only one word can be said about this; MEDIA.
9) A friendly goodbye - Bowling For Soup - 'FREEEZEFRAME!'
10) Pirelli's Miracle Elixir - Sweeney Todd - Another amazing sing-a-long :D
11) I Kissed A Boy - Cobra Starship - GABE again :D he's epic. Plus, being bisexual and all, this song is just awesome.
12) Inside Of you - Russell Brand/Infant Sorrow - We sang this song to each other. Plus, it's Forgetting Sarah marshall.
13) Bad Touch - Bloodhound Gang - 'you and me baby aint nothing but mammals' kinda like my anthem.
14) Spider Lovin' - The Mighty Boosh - the times we saw them, having boosh nights, generally loving the Boosh.

So so many good times.

I had my second HPV jab today. It hurt, in a good way. I felt like I was being properly punished for messing Aaron around like I have done. This is what happens when I try not to cut, i have to find solace in other things like compulsory injections...which i guess kinda defeats the object of trying not to cut.