It has to be censored slightly. I don't feel like I can write what I want most days in the fear of someone i know reading it and then being even more disturbed by who I am...but then I decided fuck it. They choose to read it, they know what I'm like...its clearly their decision.
But here's a warning..from now on..I am totally going to speak my mind completely.
Like this morning, I woke up with an insatiable need to get fucked. my sex drive is so high & I'm not sure if that's because it's nearly the time of the month (hopefully) or because I haven't got laid in about 5 month. Either way, the need for some penetration is killing me.
It's like a hunger and I need to be touched more than anything right now. I don't want love. It fucks with your head. I just want sex. Hot, sticky, rough, passionate sex. With a couple of mind-blowing orgasms to top it off.
Unfortunately, I don't know any guys that I trust enough to get some from. But the need to conquer my appetite is so important that I've even considered contacting a female friend who I kissed not so longer to see if she's curious. Despite her being a shit kisser, I imagine she's quite good with her hands. Except I don't think she's up for dabbling.
So i reckon I'm going to be stuck with a throbbing desire until I find someone serious. Sucks to be me.
I don't think Ive mentioned this...but when I was 13, I almost lost my virginity to my best friends ex.
She had a house party, broke up with him that night & got with another guy. I comforted the one she broke up with him. We'll call him G. So G and I were in bed chatting, whilst my mate n her current bf were downstairs. Mate comes back up sees us in bed and tells us to go down. We down and we talk more. He tells me his mate likes me..which I know about. G proceeds to say that he doesnt know if he likes me...and we kiss. Actually we do more than kiss and I distinctly remember getting fingered on her couch and trying to be quiet whilst I give him a handjob. He cums, we both have our pants down, I'm in the kitchen looking for tissue and my mate comes down. We panic but she doesnt suspect anything. Mate declares shes going to bed. Me & G follow after her. Mate goes to bed, me and G in seperate beds...then he asks if he can get in with me. I allow it. We kiss more and stuff...not long after we hear moaning coming from my Mates room. It's obvious what theyre doing.
G and I get it on abit more. Fingering etc. He askes me to give him a blow job...but the thought of it makes me nauseous. So I tell him 'no'. He tries to force me but eventually gives up. I ask what will happen tomorrow and he tells me He's 'going to see me again'. He wants to be my boyfriend. I smile, feeling happy. I know my mum will kill me, because G is 18 in two week....but he wants ME. I feel good, sexy even. So he asks if we can have sex. I tell him there are no condoms. He says..'just in once, then out again'. I put up abit of resisitance...then shyly tell him ok'. So he tries to enter me, I am a writhing mess but my pussy has closed its doors. 'No entry tonight' it says. He tries a little more before giving up. Then he goes to sleep, my hand doesnt move from his cock the whole time. He was constantly hard. :) We fell asleep together.
The morning after. I woke with a huge grin. The kind of smile you get after a night of pleasure. One that can't be removed off your face. Even when your friend walks in to get you up and finds you and her ex in bed. Tshirt unbuttoned. I'll never forget the look on her face. She walked, blatantly in a mood. She probably thought I had just fucked her ex in her bed.
I woke G up and he asked me to pass him his jeans, so I threw them at him. He thought I was being a bitch, but I wasnt. I got up, went to the toilet..as I was coming out, G was going in. I tried to hug him, thinking he was now my boyfriend or something. Well, that he actually cared. Instead, he pushed me out of the way. I got dressed, went downstairs to find Mate's bf grinning at me like a loon asking if i 'had a good night'. I tell him 'yes', not understanding the double meaning.
Nothing else happened really except Mate didnt talk to me. Mate's bf,G and I walked down to my house. G hugged me, told me he'd see me again. They went off home and so did i. I slept for a while.
A couple of days after that I tried to contact G. find out what was going on. No answer. I rang again. For days I called and texted. I needed to know what was happening. I wrote mate a letter telling her everything that had happened. We were ok with each other. But still no reply from G. Until one afternoon, I called frantically. He answered and I heard giggling in the background. I asked what I meant to him. He told me he didnt want to see me again. I was completely crushed. He used me. I found out a while after that he was with mate, probably laughing about me, and she was the one that told him not to answer. it was like they had an alliance against me or something.
Needless to say, I didnt hear from him after that....until now. He currently has a kid with a 17yr old and he lives in leeds. Oh, and he's back in contact with mate and supposed to be taking us to Blackpool on saturday. Seriously, what the fuck!
I dont think I've ever felt so cheap and whorish in my whole entire life.
There's not many people that know about that simply because of how it makes me look. Like a massive slut. But yeah, gives you an insight into why sex is the answer to everything for me.
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