On friday I was so ill that I couldn't go to any lectures and so instead, I did a bit of reading and I got a bit of sleep until Ben came to talk to me. He's such a distraction. But he held me close and he cuddled me and we probably had sex. He always makes me feel better. Then on Saturday we went into town together to get Halloween items. We spent some time walking around holding hands and then got some coffee; it was completely couple-y. He's so cute.
Saturday night my friend from home came over with her man-friend so we could all go out for halloween. I was still feeling a bit ill and I was nervous but it was an exceptionally good night. We went to the Stone Roses, Yates', Subway, The Duchess, some other places and mansion. In the Stone Roses a man tried getting with me but I managed to ditch him. In the Duchess I threw up and my friend pissed outside. Then we went to subway and shared a footlong veggie patty with extra jalapeños and chilli sauce - sooo fucking good, though I spilt most of the sauce down the front of me. Then we went to Mansion/Ziggy's and Matthew (who was dressed as the bunny from Donnie Darko, I was the queen of hearts and Lucy was Alice) found a trolley on the way so I thought it would be a great idea to get in it and so I was wheeled to the entrance of this nightclub. How classy we must have looked! Anywaym we queue jumped without even noticing we'd done it which was a success.
The place itself was pretty shit and another man tried getting with me. Plus my friend pulled this guy who wouldnt leave her alone. But yeah, we were heavily drunk and when mansion closed, we left to try to go to salvation, but that was shut too. Instead, we got a takeaway and I jumped in a taxi to go home.
I'm not sure what I did on Sunday, but monday was halloween and so our house went to a house party. It was so shit and I just wanted to fuck Ben because he looked like Mr.Darcy/Hugh Grant. I was really drunk then too and I got two extra stickers on the chunder chart. To be honest, it wasn't that great of a night because I just got over emotional and cried alot.
See, we came home and then after a bit Ben said he was going to bed, by himself. That always makes me feel shit because I'm used to sleeping with him and I sleep better with him. He's so warm and his skin feels so nice and it's comforting. So yeah, I'd had an awful day and then he went to bed and I was all by myself (I'm so fucking needy it's ridiculous) and I felt sick so I went to the toilet, vomited, weed, cried a bit. Only it wasn't quiet unnoticeable sobbing but huge loud tears streaming from my face. Then I regained a little composure and left to go downstairs. Only as I was leaving, Andrew (a nice boy in my house) noticed me and my tear stained face and make me talk to him. I tried to put up a little resistance but it didn't work and i just felt worse. Then Ben came out of his room so obviously he knew I was sad and he must think I'm such a spaz. Andrew spoke to me for a bit, then told me to go to bed and so I undressed and cried a bit more. Little did I know, Ben was stood outside my room deliberating whether or not to see how I was. He came in and I just felt ashamed because generally, I'm not that girl that cries when drunk. I can't really remember the specifics of what we discussed but I kept telling him to go to bed and he kept saying no, that he'd worry about me because he likes me. I couldnt breathe then and he held me and waited while I calmed down. See, he's so lovely.
He went back to his room, brought his alarm clock and got in bed with me. I don't deserve him. It hasnt even been 3 week. I started stroking him then and he was really turned on. I don't particularly remember it, but I felt good touching him like that. Plus he was being quite forward. Then I gave him oral and he came in my mouth and for the first time in my life, I swallowed. I vomited afterwards but I felt so proud.
I felt so terrible this morning however because of how tired he is today. Oh and I never mentioned why I was crying; you see I'm homesick and Ben didn't want to sleep with me and possibly sometime on sunday he gave me an internal examination because he felt a lump. He felt a lump inside me. It's worrying. See, I am genuinely going to have to go to the doctors and I'm so scared about doing that, it just fills me with serious trepidation, but yeah I think I genuinely have endometriosis or something as there's this lump in me, my irregular periods, pain during sex and pain after orgasm and pain at random times in my stomach and the random attack of pancreatitis. It's just not looking good for me at all and I don't want to see the doctor but I'm really going to have to. Maybe I'll have to tell my mum too and then I'll have to go for a real internal examination and it's just going to be awful. Plus I havent integrated myself very well yet and I don't have many friends.
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