big big world

For the first time in about 3 weeks I have something to write about, something worth writing about.

I'm now in my second week of lectures, the work is constant and tiring, but important and fascinating. Today we learnt about 'Habitus' which is a sociological term used by Bourdieu and it basically means how we act, what our tastes are like etc and sometimes we can feel out of place because of this. Well, I felt that last night when Ben showed me what his house was like. It's so beautiful and his area is lovely and where I live is just shit. Plus the boy has stables and horses. Fucking horses. I just feel so common and lousy in comparison.

I do really like him however. Surprise surprise. Don't I really like every person I go out with? Anyway, I'm not going to say he's the best or anything because that's pointless and it's only been just over a week, so honestly, how can anyone know? But yeah, he is great. We have such interesting conversations.

I wiped all the music from my Ipod which is a bitch. :|

I'm feeling terribly homesick right now. It's my period and I'm sad anyway, and my body hurts because I'm a bit ill and I just want a skin-burning bath and a cuddle from my mum. She text me telling me that she was proud and that I was the bestest daughter and oh god, it just created floods of tears. 


Maybe I should go home this weekend and see her. 


Maybe that will make things worse. 


I wasn't supposed to get homesick. 


Then again, I wasnt supposed to do a lot of things like miss lectures and fuck people in my house and sleep with someone on the second night.

I'm sure things will be easier once my period is done.

I wish I could talk to my gran or something. I wish she was happy and still friends with us. I want her to know how well I'm doing. How I'm washing up and cooking and doing laundry all for myself. How I haven't hurt myself or had panic attacks. How I've made a lot of friends. I want her to meet Ben. I want her to visit my house. 


I don't want to be homesick and sad. :/