Coming clean

I went down town today with my mum, met my gran and my sister.

My sister stayed at my gran's last night you see. Obviously, this caused all kinds of havoc though.

I've never understood families. Like, I'm usually good at reading people and knowing how certain systems work (particularly the family system) but I still don't understand it.

Why do we bother to have families? They cause nothing but trouble.

I'm all for an in-love couple with kids, but honestly, is that even real any more? Can people be and stay in love? Obviously, I intend to, but will it really happen that way? I hope it does.

So back to my family point, I realise everyone works differently.

In my family, we all lie to each other and talk about each other behind their backs and stop talking and then decide were friends again (just because it's the only family we have) but we still hate each other deep down. And just because they created us, just because they're blood, it seems to mean that we keep in touch even vaguely, or at least discuss other members in our family.

Here's a basic about my family: There's us 5. We get on okay. Don't have much to do with anybody else, haven't for years. Well, we spoke to Auntie Ann for a while, despite her being a fat ignorant bitch. Now we barely speak to her, but speak to the gran. All of our family had troubles with gran. Auntie Ann and gran do not speak now. Obviously, this seems to mean that if we want to talk to gran, we have to lie about it and pretend we're not. What the fuck?

Rachel is pretty much no longer a part of our family. We just discuss her every now and then. She's going to rehab. Fucking whore. Only Auntie Ann sees my dead grandad's wife. God knows why. Only my mum seems to see my other grandad. Again, why?

It seems to me that we'd all be better off if we lived seperate lives.
Nobody really thinks about this though.

We are quite independent as a unit, my mum likes to think were closed off from everyone, but in actual fact, were not. Not at all. Because everybody needs a support network and so my mum likes to think that because were related by blood, they should be our support network.

Honestly, I dislike the lot of them and would gladly move away to somewhere foreign and possibly cold, like Narnia to escape these mad people.

When (if) I have my own family, these people I'm related to (not including my mum) will have no chance of seeing any of it. Who'd want ignorance, hypocrisy and dirtiness poisoning their happiness? Not me, that's for certain.

So yeah, my mum told my auntie my sister was sleeping at her friends, but my brother told my auntie my sister was sleeping at my grans. This could have been solved easier if everyone was just honest with each other and only focused on their own lives.

Still, we went to the market to get my nana a present.There are two things wrong with this: 1) My nana has dementia and she's 80 on saturday. I can't see her, she makes me have panic attacks. Still, my mum is forcing me to go. This will make me physically ill.

2) I hate markets. Markets on a Wednesday are filled with everyone. It's so busy and it seems nobody understands personal space. Although my OCD is practically gone, I'm still wary of germs and other people. I don't appreciate being touched by people that aren't family, friends, or people I really like. Be that sexually or romantically. Not many people understand this space problem though and so walking through the town, I get bombarded by hands and elbows and bodies and this makes me feel wrong.

God help me if I have to go on saturday.

I highlighted my hair today.Well, my mum did. It looks pretty hot. I'm getting it re-styled sooon. Yay!

Ooh I got my report today too. I'm getting all B's with one A. That is exceedingly good. I've gone up since autumn. Let's hope it stays that way and my results are great. Also, Mark rang because I texted him and the conversation was as pointless as ever. I told him Mariana was coming and so he might be coming to see me whilst she is here. I doubt it though. Still, I don't know how I feel about seeing him again.

He's poisonous to my environment.

3 days.