These stupid immature thoughts about forever. of course he's not going to be with me together.
Get a grip on yourself woman. Youre fucking 15. & Were in 2009, nobody stays with the first person they loved for the rest of their life. Understand? NOONE!
I know that. I totally get it.
Why am i so hurt then? Why do i feel sick & why can't i breathe? Shit. if he reads this, itl definitely be over.
I always feel the wrong things at the wrong time. I should have known. I mean, im unloveable. && I knew this was too good to be true. It wouldnt surprise if within two month i was sat in this very spot writing a blog about how im in so much pain bcz he broke up with me due to boredom.
I think now is the time to maybe stop feeling so strongly for him & start to emotionally shut down. Again.
Girls like me dont have happy endings...why did i even fantasize over that?
Anyay, now were arguing, cz im a bitch & i treat him like shit. At least i'm not reaching for the razor. I'm actually too numb to do anything right now. I'm in major fear of vomiting & I can;t breathe still. But it's worse than before. Apparenly, i sound like I'm being shagged. I guess that's me hyperventilating...maybe i'll be lucky and go intoa coma from asphyxiation.
Shut up! That's so fucking selfish. Plus MH doesnt need another closeish person dying.He's had enough of that for a lifetime. I always mess stuff up. He deserves to be happy. i should have never told him i liked him. I should have just left him alone.
He's made me promise not to do anything stupid if he does break up with me, because he knows i used to have suicidal tendencies. What's classed as stupid though?
So i'm not allowed to self harm. But tbh, i don't think i would anyway. Who knows?
He's scared i'll try kill myself. Of course, i wouldnt do that. I wouldn't. Not. At. All.
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