Melt your headaches

First of all Happy New Year!


2010 was crazy. I saw my faviourite band live in Paris, I found great friends, I lost shitty friends, I got a girlfriend, I lost my girlfriend, I started and finished counselling. I haven't cut in a few months now. I'm doing pretty well, particularly right now.


I haven't spoken to her since tuesday but I haven't stopped thinking about her. I put all the things in my box. I check my msn for her first. I'm torturing myself as I read 'The girl who played with fire'. It's all fucking swedish and I'm clearly not going there this summer.


For the past three nights all I've done is drink. I can feel ES shaking her head at me. I can hear her asking me why i'm drinking.


It was this girl's 18th on wednesday night. I seriously wasn't in the mood to be out. I just wanted to hole myself into bed and not move, but then Danielle invited me to hers and I just couldnt turn it down. I went to hers at 5ish and we got ready together. We had a vodka and coke (not that I drank much of it) and a bucks fizz. We looked bloody sexy too. The party was okay. I wasn't drunk and I wanted to be.


Thursday night it was Danielle's festive sleepover. Fucking amazing night. I can't even explain how good it was, despite me feeling shit over the breakup. I could talk for hours about it, but I won't. I'll just tell you that I had my nails done - they're beautiful, I sang and rapped and danced, shots were drunk for the first time and I learnt important interesting things. Here's a list of the alcohol shared between 4 of us:

A bottle of mulled wine.
A bottle of white wine.
A bottle of sour cherry - shots.
A shot of Pimms each.
A bottle of vodka.
8 beers.

We were absolutely wasted yet it didn't feel that way because we were in our own company. It was a genuinely awesome night. I love these guys.

Last night we had a family party. It was okay, until we got to midnight and then I was thinking 'today would be 6 month' over and over again. It seriously didnt help that my mum and her boyfriend were kissing in the kitchen and he had his hands on her bum when I looked up.

Everything just goes back to her and I'm thinking this year might not be the best.