Sleep with one eye open

I've had so many nightmares recently. They're not really related to anything either :/

The most recent one was about my mum who found my blog. She threw me out of the house and I told her it was supposed to be anonymous. She told me I was pathetic. Then I killed myself.

I went to a christening yesterday. It was for my old babysitter's kids; my babysitter being the girl that curiously experimented on me. Mum said I didn't have to go if I didn't want to, she didnt want to be insensitive..but I said it didn't matter. It'd be fine.

I wish I hadn't gone.

Church was majorly boring. It was proper mass and I'm not even catholic and I fantasised about fucking on the altar, then thought about the Kaulitz twins and then wondered what everyone would do if I marched up to the front whilst the priest was talking, grabbed a lit candle and set him on fire.

Church is not good for me.
I come out feeling more unholy than i did when i went in.

I looked really hot though.

We went back to the babysitter's house for the party thing. She didn't talk to me at all.

I wanted answers from her. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't fair. Why did she get to have a family and her own house when I have to have a shrink? Fair enough, she's ugly and has no qualifications, but i just felt angry. I think I just wanted to know why she did it.

I came home with no answers.

I realise I don't need answers from her anymore.

Just fuck her.

I'll make something of myself and none of this bullshit will affect me.

It's only 9 days until france :D

I'm going to a party tonight too. It's Beth's party. The girl I have a thing for.

I really want to write a twc story entitled Ferocious Delicacy. I'm thinking something sociopathic. However, I have no ideas, only the title.