In My Head

I got a D in my R.E A-level. Fuck, I'm a failure.

Also, I drank a litre and half of water on thursday night. Then I couldn't pee for an hour. I had to do all of this purely for the doctor to tell me that my kidneys and ovaries look fine. So they don't know why I have pain.

The doctor is referring me to a gynaecologist and I have to keep a diary of my pain so they can try to work out any patterns. She mentioned endometriosis too. So who knows what's wrong with me.

My mum thinks it's all in my head. She tells me this that much I'm beginning to question it myself. I'll ask my shrink next time I see her if it's possible for me to actually imagine this much pain without even realising i'm doing it.

Anyway, so I was a genuine suicide risk on thursday. Until I started to speak to Alex on msn. Our converstion went on for a good two anda half hours and I didn't want to leave to get a bath. That's how much I still want him. He just really cheered me up. We started talking about sixth form and quickly moved on to sex.

It was just really nice. Like, the conversation flowed so well and immersing myself in sexy talk allowed me to forget all the rest of the shit that was going on in my life. It was really quite flirty too.

He started it aswell. Have a look at some of the comments we said...they are flirty right?

Alex - 'our sex was funny :') if you dont mind me saying. not like it was shit, you were just so loud :') you were quiet in person, but as soon as we were in bed....you were fucking wild!'

Alex - 'aha, my dick was happy. it seemed to like you. epic sex win. i used to like fucking you when we got home from school :')'

Alex - 'aha sideways fucking too (y) we mastered that. you were just great : D hence boner day :')'

Me - 'i was a genius at unnecessary boners.' = his reply - 'you were. you gave me a boner for a full day ffs. ooft :')'

Me - 'see you loved my loudness and scratching.' =his reply 'erm...yes'

Alex - you had the highest sex drive...ever :') proper good fuck'

Me - 'yeah we had quite a natural talent at it.'

Alex - 'we damn well did :')'

So either he's sexually frustrated, feels a little something for me still even if it is just sexual..or he was simply reminiscing. :/ Any ideas?