carry on

Today is Mother's day. We were going out for dinner, the five of us.

Martin started complaining about money so i sighed and said we may aswell go home then.

My mum kicked off and got out of the car. At the traffic lights. That was okay though, we could easily drive to pick her up. Maybe a bit of shouting would go down but then everything would be okay.

This did not happen.

Instead, Martin said two can be dramatic and he threw the keys at my mum and then got out of the car aswell. Still at the traffic lights. With a huge queue of cars behind us.

They both walked off in opposite directions, with the keys on the alternate side of the road and us three strapped in in the back of the car. The lights changed from red to green.

Cars started driving round us. One car pulled over and shouted at Martin asking if he was just going to leave us there.

I have never been so embarrassed or angry in my life.

After the longest five minutes in all of eternity, Martin came back and drove like a fucking maniac to where my mum was.

She got in the car and they argued like mad people. Some form of pop got thrown at him and my mum was screaming and there was so much tension.

I hate dealing with shit like that.

So as you can gather, mother's day has been fantastic.

Safe to say, he was told to pack his stuff and leave.

Also, i think i do have BPD. (Borderline personality disorder)
I know I've talked about this before and that self-diagnosis is not good for me...but look. I have all of the symptoms.


Borderline personality disorder is a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self image and marked impulsivity of the following:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating extremes of idealisation and devaluation.

identity disturbance - markedly and persistently unstable self image.

impulsivity in self damaging areas - ie promiscuous sex and binge eating.

recurrent suicidal behaviour - self harm and excoriation.

affective instability due to a marked reactivity of moods - intense dysphoria.

chronic feelings of emptiness.

inapropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger.

transient stress related paranoid ideation, delusion or severe dissasociate symptoms.