Sometimes I think I've really changed, really grown up and adapted to my new adult lifestyle. Sometimes my life reflects this. For example, I'm dating a really great girl and I took her to Cannon Hall Farm by myself which meant getting a train and a bus to a place I've never been before. Which I managed to do.

However, there are other times when I struggle to  express any emotion because I'm just so empty and dull inside. I find it difficult to feel anything but misery at times and even the simplest of things are a chore. My brother fully strangled me yesterday and for a moment, I wished for the end.

It's annoying because I know I'm depressed and yeah, sure I need some anti-depressants, but why do I have to be depressed in the first place? Nothing is going wrong in my life.

Equally, most of my friends are depressed or dropping out of uni or suicidal and I don't have the same spark I used to have for saving their lives. I don't know the words to say anymore and everything feels contrived and pointless.

Maybe we should all just kill ourselves. Maybe we'll be happy then.