Due to losing a stone in weight, hardly any of my holiday clothes fit me and I'm going on friday. It is not good. I suppose I'l have to make do though.
I started my Voluntary work yesterday. It's actually pretty cool. I don't do much, just tag clothes and hang em up then take em down and hang em up again...but it's just good. Probably has something to do with the fact that it takes my mind off stuff.
Unfortunately today I have nothing to take my mind off those things. Do any of you know what day it is? It's the 9th of August. The day Izzy died.
I don't feel like I can be happy today, it makes me feel guilty. So I'm sat in my permanent seat, wondering how today would be if I hadnt have killed her. I wonder if my mum is thinking the same thing? If while right this minute, as she's baking that cake she's thinking about how she could be celebrating Izzy's 4th birthday with us as a family, if only I'd have done what I was told.
Of course she is, otherwise she wouldnt be baking a cake. She's cooking it so we can silently celebrate. I know exactly what she's doing.
I wonder if she hates me today?
I also wonder if she wishes it was me that had have gone, instead of her fragile little kid. I wish it was. Life would be easier for her if it had have been.
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