I am not a whore

Luke.

I fucked him again. It was our third 'date' and I fucked him. Again. 

But it's so difficult not to, especially as his sex drive matches mine and he's always touching and twitching and titillating me. 

My self-control is abysmal. I tell him it's not happening and five minutes later he tries again and that time, I allow him entry. I let him fuck me even though I don't want him to. 

I'm raping myself. 

And then he fucks me and I moan and sure, it feels good in my vagina and I come if i touch myself the right way, but apart from that, I feel nothing. I do not wantto be having sex with him, I just need to orgasm. Then, because he has amazing stamina, I feel compelled to keep going til he comes, even though I'm done already. I think I prefer Ben actually, at least he was done quick and left me to it. At least I knew I was making him happy. 

This whole situation is confusing me, because what am I? 

I'm not his girlfriend. I'm not his fuckbuddy - if I was we wouldnt 'date'. I'm just some girl he just fucks every now and then, but if I am, again, why take me on dates? Why not just fuck me? 

I shall not have sex with him next time. Even if he tries really hard and makes me really wet. 

I shall not let him inside me.