Take off your lovers

I entirely forgot about DD's boyfriend and so when she leaned in to kiss me I went with it. Of course, the morning after, when I remembered,  I felt like the other man.

Now I've tried to imagine myself romantically involved with her. You know, snuggled up on the couch during the day or walking around town holding hands. I simply can't do it. Maybe now's not the right time. Maybe I don't like her as anything other than a good friend. Yet this doesn't stop me kissing her.
Something has to change.

Casual frolicking leads to self hatred and thoughts that I'm a whore; familiar feelings but ones I'm not particularly fond of. I'm poisoning myself through pleasure again.

Something needs to change.

I wonder if her boyfriend knows.

I feel like an easy lay.

Anyway, after thinking about it properly for a while now, I've remembered why sex with her does this to me; I'm not controlling the situation. So, I spoke to her about it. Mariana would be so proud. You see, DD and myself had a discussion and decided to not let it happen again. It makes her feel comfortable because we're good friends...but she considers my wellbeing to be more important and if I feel cheap and dirty it can't continue to happen. I can't keep doing this to myself.

Mariana would be thrilled because something has changed.